Dear Friend,

You are special, in your own funny way. You never neglect those who were deep in sorrows, you gave us a reason to smile for you & only you. No one in your presence could ever feel abandon, to feel alone. Somehow, you're just there. You're there when we don't expect anyone to find us, to be there for us. You're, just there. You make us smile when we will ourselves not to, to believe that believing wasn't a lie, to make us live one more time. To free ourselves just one more time.

Right now, you're somewhere across the world. Probably making a change. A change to someone's life like how you did, to us. Make an impression to the world, like how you did, on us. A joy to someone's sorrow like how you brought it to us, ever so pure. When people were to ask me if there was an unselfish deed, I would answer 'No way will there be one.' That was what I believed, until I've met you. If everyone's answer to the question were the same as mine, they would change it, for you, they will. In your kindness I couldn't find greed, in your care I couldn't find a return slot. Every single, little piece of good deed you did. Regardless if it was known to us or not. I believe, that you did it from your heart with no hidden agenda. Like that, you're like a child. Pure, naive & ever so loving.

You would make strangers smile silly on their way home when they see you smile, you would make people remember you in a special way even if they've known you for merely a month. You've brought joy to people you've come to know, and you brought out the little kid in us. The little kid, with a naive heart, and the rarest of all joy. A joy, no words could define. A kind of joy everyone longs for.

I would miss you dearly, others would miss you more. A name so dear, a name so strong that brings the tears within us, out to the world that's infront of us. A memory that wouldn't be a myth. You would make us have a sense of nostalgia, a desire to return in thoughts of a time in our lives.

That's the kind of impact you've made.

I'll miss you & I'll never forget. Your name would never be foreign to me, or to the people you've touched. We will move on, but somewhere deep down, we know we're still stuck with you.


From your friend,
xxx

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mood: Boring my brain cells to bits
listening to: You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds by Mayday Parade


Heee, some doodles I did a couple of days back while trying to listen to what my teacher has to offer :/ I'm currently trying my best to study my ass off the face of this earth, but I just don't feel like it.

I have this feeling where I know I should be studying if not I'm gonna cry about it later but I just can't bring myself to read the first few pages of my social studies textbook. Gosh, what a torture -.-

Ah, I shan't make this post any longer..
xx

5:37 PM

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mood: Calm
listening to: The Saltwater Room by Owl City
watching: Housebunny (soon)

Picture from : [Link]


It's a dream I had three nights ago.


The skies were a shade of grey and the clouds seems to be hiding something. The light of the sun pushes its way through whatever gaps they can find. Trying to save a girl from making her one mistake. A girl who was never a mistake.


She was walking along an un-named street, feeling the brick walls with the tips of her fingers drawing an almost straight line. She stopped & looked up at the skies. Her expression blank, locks of hair covered part of her face and somehow it feels like as if she could see me, standing there, watching her every move. She gave the skies a weak smile, indirectly at me. I followed on, to a house. The lights were on, people were screaming inside. I walked in & find myself staring at an almost familiar scene. Two adults were screaming from two ends of the room, I couldn't hear them. The woman was crying, while the man just stared out of the window looking really tired. Broken plates were on the floor and tiny drops of blood could be found near it, someone got cut. Out of nowhere came an audible sobbing sound, I turned towards it and saw a little girl hiding in the shadow, eyes bright with tears she looked my way before running up the stairs. I followed the sound of her footsteps up a flight of stairs to her bedroom. It seemed like a happy room painted in pink with dolls everywhere, it was dark and at the far corner under the window where the little girl sat, knees to her chest & face buried deep into her pillow. Her shoulders moved up & down in an unbalanced rythm. The room was silent except for that sound of sadness, a sound I am too familiar with. I closed my eyes, remembering times I would be hiding from the chaos downstairs, in the safety of my own bedroom. I would hide there till the sun appears again, hoping everything would change.

The scene changed when I opened my eyes. I was on top of a building, I looked down and saw cars speeding by and people walking & laughing as they went pass the building. I saw a boy, looking right back at me, looking helpless. Somehow, right then my heart had the feeling of deep despair. I looked around for the girl I was supposed to be following.. What could she be doing up here, could she be thinking of... I looked around frantically hoping I was wrong. I looked opposite & caught a tiny reflection of myself from the windows. There I saw a girl, she wasn't me, instead I was... her. I looked down at the busy road, I tried to take a step back from that dangerous height. I didn't want to die, I cried, the girl cried. I rubbed our tears with the back of her hands. I wanted to wake up.. Instead,


I took a step forward.


xx


It's not the best, but yea :)
I'll re-write it when I feel like it.

Yesterday was fine, today could be slow.

9:23 PM

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listening to: Ignited by T.M Revolution
mood: Really really sad

I'm feeling really shitty now, things are gonna happen within the next 16 hours. Tears would be shed, I would start missing her. Even though right now, I can't do nothing for her I hope she remembers me. I wouldn't hug her, I'm too scared to do that. She's been with my family for 9 years and now she's leaving. I'm really tired now. I'm dreading for the time where she has to board her plane and leave for her own home. I do not want her to leave but who am I to stop her from going back to where she came from?

xx
Picture from [Link]


She enters her own home, shouting a hello to a person who doesn't live there anymore. She walks aimlessly feeling the house for the first time. A sense of emptiness fills her up, as she started to look for that missing person. She sat by the TV watching shows and giving off comments, waiting for a reply. She turns around towards the empty space, no one was there. Sitting there, she stared away from the space, she felt alone. She walked into her room stripped down to her underwear and slipped into bed, the sky had gone black. Covering herself tightly, she looked up towards the ceiling and whispered a good night. Closing her eyes, tears started to flow. She was finally alone, that person was no longer there.

1:10 AM

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watching: Claymore
listening to: I'd Come For You by Nickelback
mood: Empty but full of thoughts

He'd would stand infront of a mirror & realise that he had been lying all along. Even the truth couldn't find its way out. Drowned in the falsehood of his thoughts he couldn't get out. He would cover it all up, not a single soul would find out what he'd done. He would lose it all, lose it all. A memory from the past singles out from the rest, he was harmed that way. He tried running from it, but like the sun it's bound to appear one day. The ugly truth from the pretty lie, the fragile past hits the spot. He would cry, but nothing hurts more than the days he went through hiding himself behind a wall of mask & make believes. Even a rainbow seems like a myth to him now.


Thoughts would flood him, he would scream in pain as he curls up into a ball. Shaking with fears, he would think of death. He would walk along the streets, while others stare. I'm not lying, he would say to anyone. I'm not.. The stares will linger into an embarassed glance, people would make a way for him. He sits by the road, heads in his hand. He wanted to die, it was killing him as it is. How beautiful it was, but it was killing him. A mask, meant to suffocate its user. Beautiful as it is, it kills.


On the bridge, he would think of beautiful thoughts but all it becomes were distorted memories. He stared into the stream flowing beneath, caught his reflection, caught his breath. He wanted to kill the one looking back, he wanted to kill himself. He wanted to destroy all evidence, all lies, all thoughts, even the truth wasn't spared. Someone would find his body, stories would be told. Tears would be shed but one thing would never be known. He was never the truth.

7:05 PM

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watching: Clannad
listening to: Boys Boys Boys by Lady Gaga
mood: Blank

I'm a delinquent, I think I am. I fail to do my duties as a student, I hate it. I spend half my day moaning about the day & how sucky life is that I do not bother or should I say, do not give a shit about what I have to do. I rather be asleep right now dreaming about snowmans & winter rather than study for Maths or whatever. I mean don't you people go through a phase where all you want to do is relax? And not care about what you have to do for like once?!


School was alright, though the lessons today were all really draggy except for chinese since I was able to sleep through the last 20 mins of it. Talked about names with Fiona & how some of it reminds you of good looking people or skaters or ordinary average looking people. It was all fun :)


For some reasons, my mind spins really fast whenever I'm doing math related subject. It feels like its forcing itself to find the answer, to remember the formula, to calculate the impossible. I feel so stressed up and after that I would go on and think, "I can't do this." then I'll ask for the answers. Yes, I suck, big time.


I'm gonna TRY and study. If I can't do it, I'll be back here in 4 hours time.
xx



Picture from [Link]

Heads on the table, I stared at the little piece of light coming from the opened door outside. They were off to work, packing their last important documents before saying goodbye. The light disappears when they closed the door leaving me alone, yet again. I knew I was going to waste my day doing nothing, I couldn't care more about how I lived my life. I just want to get it over and done with. I lay across my bed, legs dangling from one end while my hair spills over the other side sweeping the floor as I turn my head towards the clock, counting the minutes & seconds. I felt so dead, just lying there doing nothing. There's a pile of homework to be done, I'll do it tomorrow. I'm a procrastinator, I live my life like that. In my world, I'll always have a tomorrow. I smiled, knowing I could accomplish something tomorrow I curled into a ball and fell fast asleep.

5:22 PM

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listening to: Zero Gravity by David Archuleta
mood: Awesome

You've got me thinking was all of this worth the troubles and emotional scars. If we couldn't go on living side by side, why do we still pretend to be happy when deep down we want to be with someone else. We've always thought that hurting ourselves would be better than having to face them. We would rather be tainted and hang on to what's impossible but we can only bear so much before we crumble, into nothing. Right here & now, I'll tell you to stop pretending. We could hate each other into eternity but right now, I just want to be alone. To hide from the world and it's imperfections, to be a kid who hides in her bedroom where nothing can ever hurt them. I just want to feel safe.


School was on orange alert, well the rest of the world are on red alert. Singapore would most probably be on a BRIGHT red alert, since we're always one step ahead of everyone when it comes to death. Yes, some of us are afraid to die due to a flu. Well, there's a cure!! Gosh.. & just because I say there's a cure doesn't give you the right to tell me to stuff my head in a box of pork cause I ain't gonna do that. Would you go around finding death?! Anyway just freaking imagine, everyone is so cautious about this freaking swine virus and you go into this crowded bus where everyone is just a bitch pushing their butts just to get a space. Try coughing & sniffing and go like "Shit, it's been 5 days!" If it goes as plan, you would have an empty bus :D


If it doesn't, at least you tried.


I guess this is the beginning of 2012, keep surviving bitches. There's too many things you have yet to try, do or taste. Please keep your mind straight. Plus we still have to pass our O's..


This morning had breakfast with Robin, Fiona & Jeremy. Took an MRT & gosh, I always thought singaporeans were like pushy. But this morning, I knew the reason why my friends are in such a bitchy mood whenever they come to school by bus or MRT. People just can't let you go first! I mean it's not like there's someone out there trying to GET YOU if you're the last to leave the station. Learn to wait & say excuse me. And they complain kids have no manners?! I have seriously nothing to say, I don't want to get into some social problem or whatevs.


Lessons went by quickly since I couldn't give much to actually love it. I've decided to just get good grades for O level & go into a good poly or something. Pierce my lips, if I dare to and just stay out all night touring singapore as a night lifer. What kids will do for freedom..


Shall start studying, don't wanna fail or anything.
xx

5:10 PM

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Hello! :D
So yea, I had an awesome day yesterday.
Pigging out & watching LOADS of teevee, so I'm still pretty tired even though the sun's all up & shining bright enough. So yea, I guess I'm going back to sleep once I'm done blogging. Hee!

I so do not want to go back to school on monday, its stupid. School's stupid.

xx

I sat, on a bus ride to heaven.
Like everyone else, I just had my day in hell.
I walked blankly to my seat.
Dropped everything I've got & leaned my head against the window.

I looked up at the sky, forming shapes with my mind.
Nothing happens.
I stared at the people who were going by, fast.

I thought about death, how easy it could be.
To end it all, with one easy decision.
I questioned, "Would I die?"
A voice told me, "You have to live."
With that, I closed my eyes
And decipher the lyrics that were blasting into my ears.


6:52 PM

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